As a part of our company’s culture building, we’ve developed a list of 21 Standards that define who we are, what we do and how we do it. Prominently displayed in the office, the standards are designed to be daily reminders for everyone of how our culture and ethos differentiates us from the competition. This year, one of Drew’s ides to help reinforce the standards at a personal level is to have everyone pick a standard or two and write a short essay on what the standard means to them. I have the first one, the Golden Rule.
The Golden Rule
In all interactions – greetings, emails, phone calls, meetings, and conflict, etc. – treat others the way that you would like to be treated. Forgive quickly, help eagerly, listen intently, and speak kindly.
There probably isn’t a person reading this who hasn’t heard of the Golden Rule: “Do to others as you want others to do to you.” Many of you may even know that the golden rule originally came from the Bible. As with many things from the Bible, I think it’s a good idea to take a moment and consider the context. It’s found in Jesus’ famous “Sermon on the Mount,” and if you read the account in St. Luke (chapter 6 in case you’re interested), the golden rule is actually part of Jesus’ teaching us to love one’s enemies and do good to those who hate you. You’ve probably heard of those too, but they don’t get too much press these days.
Jesus follows up the golden rule by saying that if you love and are nice only to the people who love and are nice to you, that doesn’t count for very much, because well, that’s not all that difficult to do. There’s no real effort involved. The rub is that the golden rule’s real superpowers happen when we least want to follow it; when it’s hard and we have to be intentional about it. The superpower, of course, is that it ends up changing us more than the people we’re doing it to.
The ancient Chinese parable of Li and the Mother-In-Law illustrates the superpower of the golden rule:
Li was the young CEO of a flooring company. He got married and lived with his new wife and mother-in-law. Since the mother-in-law was obnoxious, Li decided to kill her. Li had a mysterious Chief Marketing Officer who was very wise and experienced in the ways of the East, and everyone reverently called him Master Shifu (even though that wasn’t his real name). And even though he was old and grizzled, the CMO was still exceedingly handsome and could run long distances. Li went to his CMO to ask his help in getting a slow-acting poison. The CMO said, “Just so that people don’t suspect you, you must treat your mother-in-law very nice, as you’d like to be treated.” So Li was nice to his mother-in-law as he slipped a little poison into her food each day. Now a funny thing happened: the two started getting along much better and became best friends, and eventually his mother-in-law bought hardwood floors from him for the home she was building. So Li went back to his CMO and said, “I now love my mother-in-law and don’t want to kill her; please help me find an antidote to counteract the poison.” The CMO replied, “You have nothing to worry about. I gave you ordinary vitamins; the only poison was in your mind and your attitude” (But he said it in a really kind way that was not condescending or judgmental). Then Master Shifu smiled and, to the tune of a mysterious pipe in the distance and the sound of a rushing wind, he disintegrated into a thousand small sparkling pieces and blew away kind of like the characters at the end of Avengers Infinity War, and it was so cool that the people talked about it long after they got the point of the parable.
While you’re still reeling from the emotional impact of the parable, I think it’s also worth taking a second to consider what the Golden Rule doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean that if I like chocolate and want people to give me chocolate, that I should go around giving other people chocolate. I know that might sound kind of stupid, but there are actually people (just do a quick Google search) who object to the golden rule using this kind of logic. They’re totally missing the point.
When you think about how you want to be treated, most of us want deep down to be understood, to have our perspectives considered and our worldview respected. So think of the golden rule as putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and taking the time to consider how that email you’re about to send or that comment you’re about to make will impact them based on their values. If you don’t think they’d like it, they probably wouldn’t. Like Dr. Stephen Covey (the 7 Habits guy) says, “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour.” What would it do to our relationships if we turned that around? It’s in the very act of treating people with altruism that the Zen happens.
What kind of Zen, you ask? Well, in addition to the general feeling of warm fuzziness and the hope that what goes around will eventually come around, there are real and actual health and psychological benefits from applying the golden rule. In one recent study employees at company in Spain were asked to either perform acts of kindness for colleagues, or asked to simply count the number of kind acts they received from coworkers. It turned out that the people who received acts of kindness became happier, demonstrating the value of benevolence for the receiver, however those who delivered the acts of kindness not only showed a similar trend towards increased happiness, but also had an increase in life satisfaction and job satisfaction, and a decrease in depression. Turns out that it actually really is better to give than to receive!
Mark Twain once famously quipped, “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” So here are some practical tips for doing right and astonishing our customers (and maybe even your friends) on a day to day basis.
- Practice Empathy (that means sharing in other people’s feelings)
- Show Compassion
- Be Friendly
- Smile at people (but not in a weird, creepy way)
- Be Helpful
- Be Courteous in Traffic
- Recognize and Overcome your own Prejudices
- Stop Criticizing (If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything)
- Rise Above Retaliation
And lastly, because quoting obscure prayers from ancient historians from the 4th century not only sounds cool, but makes people think you’re really smart and well read, here’s Eusebius of Caesarea on making the golden rule part of his lifestyle:
May I be an enemy to no one and the friend of what abides eternally.
May I never quarrel with those nearest me, and be reconciled quickly if I should.
May I never plot evil against others, and if anyone plot evil against me, may I escape unharmed and without the need to hurt anyone else.
May I love, seek and attain only what is good.
May I desire happiness for all and harbor envy for none.
May I never find joy in the misfortune of one who has wronged me.
May I never wait for the rebuke of others, but always rebuke myself until I make reparation.
May I gain no victory that harms me or my opponent.
May I reconcile friends who are mad at each other.
May I, insofar as I can, give all necessary help to my friends and to all who are in need.
May I never fail a friend in trouble.
May I be able to soften the pain of the grief stricken and give them comforting words.
May I respect myself.
May I always maintain control of my emotions.
May I habituate myself to be gentle, and never angry with others because of circumstances.
May I never discuss the wicked or what they have done, but know good people and follow in their footsteps.